The mind is wild by nature. Once you’ve built up a little practice with awareness (see previous posts for ideas!), you may start noticing that your mind runs wild. It obsesses, analyzes and yammers on endlessly. This is completely normal. Instead of trying to change this, I challenge you instead to take the mind less seriously. Just because your mind is obsessing about your schedule, or a past argument, or how much you love turtles, doesn’t make you any of those things. Nor does it make you an obsessive person—this is just the nature of the mind. As you notice this more and more, consider that you are much more than your mind and your thoughts. In fact, in many cases these thoughts are arbitrary—even ridiculous. Try out a game, similar to the 4 steps below.
1. Notice your mind running wild
2. Now take it to an extreme by saying “I am _(the object of your thoughts)_”
3. Now make it silly by say “I am __(pick a few totally ridiculous things you can think of)__”
4. Realize how arbitrary your thoughts are without pushing them away or changing them
Here’s an example from my life
1. I notice that find myself worrying about a big meeting with a new coaching client
2. I repeat to myself “I am the big meeting”
3. Now I repeat something silly “I am also a polar bear, a rocket ship and a turkey sandwich”
4. Have a short laugh at myself and continue along with the day
Taking back your ability to choose. The above game may sound ridiculous, but it can help you see the arbitrary nature of your mind. This gains you back the ability to notice and choose. “Do I want to act in accordance with my mind or make a different choice?” It’s not about choosing different thoughts, or somehow tricking yourself. Instead, it’s like looking after a small boy in a supermarket. If the boy asks for candy over and over, perhaps you’ll go and grab a lollipop for him, or maybe you’ll just acknowledge his requests and carry along shopping—but in all cases you will consider your decision. The mind is the same—it will continuously observe, demand, comment and analyze. Taking it less seriously gives you the chance to be the adult in the supermarket metaphor and decide for yourself, not at the arbitrary whims of a child.
What does your mind want anyway? Your mind has 3 main objectives: to keep you safe (by avoiding pain/danger),to seek out pleasure and to “make sense” of the world. As your mind observes, it links your experience with what it notices in the outside world. For example, if you sprain your ankle during your first ever game of basketball, your mind may “link” basketball to pain.
The next time your mind observes basketball, it will subconsciously remind you about your past experience. Maybe through a slight twinge of the ankle, or anxious feeling—probably without you even noticing. The more extreme the experience(e.g. pain, excitement, fear, etc…) or the more often your mind makes the link(e.g. basketball = pain), the more ingrained it becomes.
So where does mindset fit into all of this?
This area from “links” down to belief is where our mindsets live. In our example, you have seen a sports injury, and its aftermath impact your entire belief around sports. Mindset is then the “knee-jerk” reaction to which your mind defaults, to keep consistent with your beliefs (as a side rabbit hole—yes we can and do hold multiple, and contradictory beliefs, which is why we can have various mindsets for different situations). So, in our example, you may develop a slight sweat, a raised heart beat and feel on-edge when sports come up (or some completely different reaction—each person and each experience is unique).
Mindset is not destiny. Remember all that stuff about awareness? It’s going to be very useful now. Your mindset, or “filter” may be based on your past experiences, but you can always make a choice different from the default. This becomes much easier, if you are aware of your “knee-jerk” reaction. In fact, just by noticing your default, you have shifted the power dynamic dramatically. Not quite sure what your mindset is in a particular area of your life? Keep practicing with awareness and notice how you change, act and feel around that area. It can also help to consider areas of your life where you “just can’t seem to get what you really want”—this is a tell-tale sign of mindset limitation. Indeed, the conflict between your goals and your mindset can be a powerful place to build awareness.
